Burke Buster
Losing someone he loved to suicide changed the direction of Burke Buster’s life.
Burke shares how a tragedy in his family led him to his work today, helping prevent and alleviate the suffering of others as a therapist.
Suffering, including his own struggle with anxiety and depression, and the loss of his uncle, changed the course of his life in many ways. It’s what gave him the energy to begin down the path to the work he does today. He honors his uncle, who he lost to suicide, in his words and in the work he has done over the years. He explains how his anger at seeing so much suffering in his family through losing his uncle propelled him to enter a field where he could make a positive impact in others’ lives. This “righteous anger” created the momentum he needed to go back to school to get a degree to help people.
He shares how he was comforted in his faith with the idea that God is writing a big story. The transformation of tragedy into work helping others offers so much hope.
Burke has found in his life and in his work with men as a therapist that if there is any gift that suffering produces, it allows us to connect to our feelings in a way that we may not have known we were capable of before. We talk about the stereotypes that don’t serve men well relating to how they connect with their feelings—and how suffering sometimes blows that choice right up.
Burke is a Licensed therapist in the state of Georgia. His experience in the counseling field stretches far and wide, including the homeless and non-profit sector; behavioral and mental health; and currently in a local group practice. Prior to becoming a counselor, Burke spent seven years working in sales. He enjoys performing as a musician and spending time with his friends and family, including his eighteen month-old son. Burke describes it as an honor to walk alongside people on their journey towards change.
Listen to the interview below or wherever you get your podcasts.
(Transcript of Audio Recording Below)
Burke:
This is WABC. Listen Oldies one oh one. Oh Colin for your favorite oldies. We're going to go with the four tops and then down to the temptations.
Monica:
And I'll just go ahead and say that you are, you, you have won the award as the funniest therapist I know.
Burke:
Wow. I won an award.
Monica:
And so, um, but, but that we still collaborate all the time on, on cases and yeah. And what I love is being able to refer, um, men to you, especially if, um, therapy is not always a comfortable thing for people and you do have a gift of making people feel comfortable. And so that's, you know, something that's really valuable and, um, I'm just excited that you're doing this.
Burke:
Thank you. Thanks for having me. Yeah.
Monica:
Well if you could just tell us, you know, a brief intro kind of of yourself of who you are, what you do.
Burke:
Right um, I'm a 36 year old male, a licensed professional counselor in the state of Georgia, grew up in Alabama. Um, and then I was in sales, left it to go do therapy, married, um, have a son, 18 month old son. And
Monica:
how did you go from sales to a therapist, which is just, you know, it's not the average average path. Pretty common question. Right?
Burke:
I mean, I thought about doing ministry related stuff for a long time and um, did the sales route and it was, um, I think so it kind of plays into, um, family.
Monica:
Yeah. Tell, tell us though.
Burke:
So I can go all in that room. Let's do, yeah, I want to take it.
Monica:
Absolutely. I would love to hear it.
Burke:
I mean it, I, um, so I thought about doing ministry at it. Sales. I moved to Nashville for um, a girl at a job. They both crashed and burned and uh, um, I was doing cold calling and during that time I took StrengthsFinder, which you've probably heard of it, that one of my strengths is harmony. And it says during that time I took it and said, you want to avoid jobs that involve cold calling. It'll just get you frustrated and upset. And I was like, no shit StrengthsFinders. Thanks a lot.
Monica:
Perfect.
Burke:
This would've been helpful years like right. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and so I, I, um, it Kinda came out of the wave of, you know, I've been to therapy in, uh, struggling on and off with anxiety, depression and mental illness history in my family. Um, a desire ministry and, and just wanting to help people all that crash and burn. And it really, um, I felt a pull to go back to Grad school. It wasn't necessarily like, all right, I'm going to be, um, a private practice therapist in Atlanta, you know, or like have this type of client, it was more, um, I want to help folks and it feels right to go in this direction, you know, and this, this makes more sense than anything in my life. So yeah, that was kind of the journey. Yeah. Or the choice to do that yet.
Monica:
What happened, um, in your family that then fed into that journey?
Burke:
Mental health stuff? Yeah. So there was, um, both sides, mom and dad's side have different struggles with mental health issues and one in particular. So my stuff, you know, that started more in college and off and on
Monica:
your own struggle with anxiety and depression.
Burke:
And so in June 1st, 2007, um, it was, I had an uncle who took his life and it was my dad's only brother and we had lost a lot of family members. I mean, all of my grandparents were alive. Um, and he was a very gregarious guy. Um, uh, he was, uh, not what you think when you hear that term, at least those final moments or is not the person. Right. As you know. And, um, so he, it was crazy that he, he struggled with, his in particular was he didn't sleep, he couldn't sleep. And I think he may have had dysthymia, or some sort of level of depression to time, dysthymia is just kind of low grade depression as you know.
Burke:
And, and um, I don't really know the clinical diagnosis. I know he didn't, he had trouble sleeping for, I want to say months and he would sleep maybe two, three hours, you know, up until that point. So brain functioning really not itself, you know, and he had, um, so it was crazy. He died on a Friday and that week he, um, had read some verses Romans Five, three through five and it in those verses it talks about pope, I mean, um, how you produce open, that kind of thing. And he found it encouraging. So he read it out loud to my aunt twice. And this was on a Tuesday. She, she emailed the verses to my grandmother said this, his name was Donnie. This encouraged Donny and um, wanted to pass along. You know, they knew he was having a tough time. And so, uh, oddly enough during that week there's pastor had been doing sermon series on the Sermon on the Mount and that week he felt led to talk about like landmines that come out of your, out of nowhere in your life.
Burke:
And he wrote his sermon that Wednesday and my uncle died that Friday and he comes to the house and my grandmother shows him the verses and he's like, holy crap. He's like, these are the same verses that are in my sermon or that my sermon is based on this coming Sunday, which was crazy. Um, on one hand it's maddening. It' And for me, at least for me, I can't speak for the rest of the family. There's always been a little bit of element of comfort in the sense of like, God is writing a big story. Yeah. You know, and um, and surrendering to that big story and living with the hope of that. And in the hope of that, and I think for me, especially when the sales job ended, um, there developed and there had been developing what I, I term like a righteous anger like this really, um, frankly, just pissed off towards that level of suffering or that type of suffering and seeing my family suffer that year, um, was really hard. And so, and there was something I knew and then me that like, I can go do this. Like I can, there's something within me that can maybe perhaps help people or at least, yeah. Um, if I feel like that's true, I'm going to go try it or do it yeah. And abandoned whatever thought I had of what I'm doing right now are moving in that direction. So
Monica:
that suffering was compelling enough that I, you know, you decided to change gears. Right. And, and see what you could do to help others not go through that kind of stuff for sure. Yeah.
Burke:
And I always enjoyed, wading in the deep waters and conversation, being in that kind of person, um, and felt comfortable being in that place. And so, um, I don't know, for me it was just like I was really instilling and when I, when I reflect on it, I mean that created a lot of movement for me. And so I think, um, you know, that's part of the ways that, um, I try to play into that story and I don't think it's in order to, um, I don't know, to me it feels healthy to describe it. Yeah.
Monica:
To integrate that story with your life and to…
Burke:
Yeah. I mean that group that, righteous anger created movement for me to go back to school to get a degree to help people. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And one of the jobs, one of my first jobs as you may or may not remember, um, well, it's not like when I was building a private practice, I worked in a psych hospital and that work, I did assessments when people would first come in. So it's fast paced. And if, um, it was a drug and alcohol, but also a psych facility, and they had inpatient and outpatient treatment. So it was acute care, people that were suicidal or they were voluntarily or involuntarily admitted into a facility. And so I would see people in crisis situations back to back to back. I mean, it's first come, first serve, people wait hours to get assessments. Um, my uncle, before he took his life, he went to a facility and he had a really bad experience, you know,
Monica:
Which isn't unheard of unfortunately.
Burke:
Sure. And you don't want to, you don't want a great experience, you know, you don't, you know, it's not Disney World, which some people probably hate Disney World too, which is understandable.
Burke:
Um, yeah. So, yeah, you don't, it's not going to be amazing. Right. Um, I think his, he didn't want people to think he was crazy and so he didn't really talk about his pain or struggle he didn't want people to assume like he was, um, looney or whatever, you know, and those aren't
Monica:
Layman's terms…
Burke:
Yeah. And so, um, so that was part of that was really redeeming work for me in the sense of like, I was like, you know, I know I can't, um, I can't be with these people their entire stay, but I can welcome them in and I can comfort them, um, in their, in their hardest moment. Yeah. And I can treat them loving and fair and like there was moments where it was just like, all right, like I'm, this isn't me like this amount of love or care patients. Like this is in some way supernatural.
Burke:
Like it was, um, it was moving as it was, um, fun in a weird way. It was, great work. It was very redeeming work to be a part of people and try to at least give them some comfort. Yeah. At some point in their stay, you know, and especially in the beginning. Um, so anyway, okay.
Monica:
Knowing Donnie didn't have that.
Burke:
Yeah. And I don't know his assessment, but I know like his stay, he, when he left, he was like, I'll never go back there, you know? And so, um, and you know, I can't fault him for whatever reason. I know it's hard. Um, and you know, the doctor that sent him like, um, what else do you do in that situation? Right? Like, um, when somebody needs that type of care in that moment and you can't guarantee safety, you have to do something.
Burke:
So yeah. In the end I just, it sucks, you know, and I don't think that's the reason, but I think, um, I hate that he had that experience and maybe, I don't know, maybe an influence to some degree, you know, have no idea. Yeah. So,
Monica:
Wow. It is a really moving story. How the suffering that came into your family, you know, influenced you to help alleviate that for other people. Hmm. That's really powerful. Well, so, um, I know that one of the things that you focus on is helping men to feel...no, no jokes yet, but, but that, you know, as a therapist myself that I know that, um, we really do men and boys really a disservice. Um, I don't know about every culture, but I know the cultures that I've been a part of, it's, it's not something that we typically have, um, opened up those doors well for men and boys to be equipped or to even know how to name their feelings. Um, so tell us a little bit about, you know, you're focused on that and why that's important to you.
Burke:
Yeah. Um, it's, it's fun. Like it's, it's different and I think, um, sometimes suffering produces that, you know, like, um, if there's any, gift it does allow a person to, to go there when they may have struggle, um, going there and they may, um, be able to compartmentalize easier or stay in logic more, um,
Monica:
before they come into a season of suffering.
Burke:
I mean that's, um, I definitely see that was something that is like, wow, like I, the dam is broken and I can't, there's no going back and what do I do with this stuff within me and what is going on? Um, and then some is, you know, um, sometimes I find myself using logic to try to help validate, um, emotions and how they play in their life and the value that they hold in as they go out and they venture into that, they see start to experience and see the value, if that makes sense.
Monica:
How has working with men in this way affected your own life, you know, with um, your own feelings and connecting to them? How has working with men to kind of focus on that shaped your own development
Burke:
Male therapists... They are hard to find the most popular thing, when you go to Grad school with like 20% male.
Monica:
That's fair. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so why do you think that is?
Burke:
Me suffering the ways I have or, um, has kind of opened up maybe more what our society sees as feminine traits or emotions, emotional health and that kind of thing. And like that's propelled me into that. Right. That makes sense. So it's like, I don't know if I would have chosen it given without my own journey.
Monica:
Wow. And for the record, I don't think they're feminine traits. I think they're whole person traits.
Burke:
That's fair. Yeah.
Monica:
You know, but it sounds like your own, just like you said with some of your clients that you, you lose the pretense or sort of the privilege to pretend like you don't have feelings or to stay in that lane once you have encountered certain amount of suffering.
Burke:
Yeah. No. And that, then, that's a great point.
Monica:
Well, I want to hear about, one of the ways that you focus on working with people is focusing more on the person rather than the issue. And, and I would say that that's, that's definitely my experience of you as a therapist and having collaborated with you is that you're, um, you're definitely a relationally focused therapist, which, you know, research tells us is the greatest indication of a good outcome. Yeah. Yeah. So you're doing the good thing...good job, but why is that important that you know, to focus more on the person rather than the issue. Right.
Burke:
That's, that's a hard balance, right? You framework and when you get out of school you're thinking that framework. I just, I think for me what's been most helpful and realizing even in the last year as a therapist has been, um, the greatest value that I add to a person sitting across from me is me. Yeah. And, um, whatever package God's put me in or, and um, creating that to that other person. And that sounds really like abstract. Um, but it's, I think I as a therapist, you can get so wrapped up in like, okay, I got this method, this method, this method, which isn't bad or wrong. I just, for me it, um, and like, am I posturing? Do I look like this kind of therapist are the ones that you learn under? Sure. You're all, you're like, okay, I need to look or be that way. So I, mean, at the end of the day, I got to figure out how I am. Yeah. And like how I can bring that into the room.
Monica:
That can be generalized for all of us in whatever work we do to be ourselves in that work.
Burke:
Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean cause you, it's unique, one being a male and then also like, um, uh, I don't know the ways that I am like,
Burke:
yes, it's like, so it's how do I utilize that happened. Yeah.
Monica:
And bring that in to use all your jokes or…
Burke:
Yeah, no, I mean I wish I could say it was all laugh. I know it's, but it's not always nice, but you find ways to use it. Yeah, absolutely. To be able to do this work and to last, it's important for me to be able to bring that in.
Monica:
Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, what is one person or event that helped you become who you are today?
Burke:
Um, there's so many men. I think that God's put in my life over the course of my life that have left an influence on me. I was even thinking about that this morning of, for instance, Crusade Director at Auburn. He's still the here Bill Boldt. Like, um, he showed me that, um, he, he kind of lived, lifted out like almost the story of becoming of men. Like he, he, um...God didn't totally reframe... You didn't have to totally reframe who you are to be a believer, I guess as what I saw, you know, it could be a fishermen. Yeah. And my focus just changes. Yeah. Yeah. And so like that, that influenced me. A good friend of mine's dad, Paul Barganier. Um, when I moved to Birmingham in, uh, e uh, the way you lived his life, uh, intentionality in her lives, his life. I mean, there's so many men I guess that I've put in my path. To just pick one...It's difficult. So,
Monica:
But so many men that have, you've been admired their intentionality and even this, this, you know, leader at Auburn, um, just how he, um, encouraged you or did, or himself did to, to be yourself and what you do, which reminds me kind of of what you do as a therapist full circle. I mean, that's sort of your stance in the room. Yeah. Which really gives other people permission to do the same thing.
Burke:
I mean, that's why you just tied a little bow on it Monica. I didn't even put that together. Wow. I'm thinking about that the rest of the day. Okay. Oh, that's great.
Monica:
Well, thank you so much, really. I appreciate it.
Burke:
Thanks for letting me come in.
Speaker 2:
Yeah.