Lesley Graham
In this episode I get to interview Lifestyle Blogger Lesley Graham. She is funny, accessible, and answers a lot of questions we all might wonder about putting yourself out into the world.
This is such a fun conversation! Lesley feels like the friend we all love or wish we had. She combines relatability and inspiration seamlessly, which is not an easy thing to do.
Lesley believes in knowing your "why" for being brave, and reminds us that it is a choice we must keep making over and over. I like that, it's simple, and takes away the false idea of a magic you may think other people have. Just be brave, over and over.
Lesley Graham lives outside of Atlanta with her husband Sam and two daughters, Matilda and Phoebe. She writes a lifestyle blog at lesleywgraham.com and runs a wellness community at goldendropsociety.com. When she isn’t sharing online, racing to carpool, or trying to get her Mini Goldendoodle “Chief” to come inside... you can find her reading a magazine with a can of rosé or almond milk latte (depending on the time of day)!
Listen to the interview below or wherever you get your podcasts.
(Transcript of Audio Recording Below)
Monica:
In this episode I get to interview lifestyle blogger, Lesley Graham. When I see something beautiful online, I often wonder who is the person behind it, who has the courage and the inspiration to put themselves out into the world and what can we learn from them? Well, Leslie lets us behind the curtain. She lets us in on what gives her courage and what is her why. Turns out Lesley's being brave and choosing to be so over and over again. Just like all of us wait until the end when we talk about grit and how that was built into her by being put into new situations. There's a lesson for all of us there. I can't wait for you to hear this conversation.
Lesley:
So I'm Lesley Graham. I always feel the need to say my name, which is, I don't know why I do that. I'm married to Sam Graham. Which rhymes, which he loves how every single person points that out. Um, except for not, yeah. We've been married for, it'll be 15 years in March, which is feels like a lifetime. Yeah. Truly. We grew up together. I think we're still growing up together, but we have two girls, Matilda, who will be 11 this fall and Phoebe will be seven this fall. And we live right outside of Atlanta in my hometown. And some days I'm like, am I ever going to leave? But we do love it and we have a really awesome community and uh, feel really grateful. And so online I've been sharing our life, honestly since 2004, I realized, wow, live journal.com.
Monica:
I believe you're one of the first blogs I read. I mean, and I thought, wow, this is so cool.
Lesley:
I think that I've always loved self-expression and it's been sort of embarrassing to do it publicly. Yeah. It's years because I look back and I'm like, Oh wow, I shared this. Wow, okay. Um, but truly started quote blogging in 2008 when I was pregnant with Matilda and that has really evolved from pregnancy journal to sort of a lifestyle website, which is what I am doing now @lesleywgraham.com if you want to check that out. And then I run a wellness website, um, wellness community called Goldendrops society, which I've been doing since 2014 where we just equip families to use natural products and essential oils and things like that and awesome. That is all, all consuming. Um, and so I feel like that's been the last decade or so of just trying to, um, balance.
Lesley:
And I don't believe in the word balance, but tune my life in different ways. Um, sometimes motherhood is up on the tuning board and sometimes work is up. But just trying to keep that, um, nice flow because I do find so much satisfaction in, you know, working and working with adults and being around other creatives and I also love being a mother. So yeah, it's a constant work in progress is absolutely.
Monica:
And I don't believe in the word balance either. Just things take different priorities at different moments. Exactly. Yeah.
Lesley:
And I absolutely love what you're doing and stop to you immediately as soon as you started posting on Instagram and I was like, oh my gosh, I'm so into this. Love it.
Monica:
So sweet. I need you to be my Instagram coach.
Lesley:
Oh my God, you're doing an amazing job.
Monica:
I'm just, I'm so used to being behind closed doors and we'll talk about your social media presence, but how you, you know, just how you stand as such a person of encouragement, you know, and social media I think is pretty amazing. Saying that. Yeah. Well let's start with, with home. Okay. Cause we're heading into fall and into nesting season, which is my favorite time of the year. I actually just bought some pretend pumpkin's at Homegoods and Mark was like...
Lesley:
What do we call those, Funkins? I think, what do we call those? I Dunno, I'm into it.
Monica:
Mark mentioned it's 99 degrees outside and I'm just preparing, but what is it about creating a beautiful home and helping others to do that, that is part of your heart and why, why is that so important to you? And then, and then you really, I think inspire and it really equipped people to do that too.
Lesley:
Oh my gosh, that just made my day. But, um, I feel like atmosphere affects so much of who we are. And so for me, I've always loved beauty and finding it around me. And I think that, um, while I do enjoy luxury, do not get me wrong. I love the finer things. I've loved from when we were broke and first married, finding ways to bring beauty into our home in an affordable way. I still would say like 99% of my shopping is done at Target. Like, I love finding just ways to elevate affordable things and also to create an atmosphere that really feels like a safe place. And you know, raising girls, I've been hyper aware of the challenges that have already come and that will come for them. And I want them to be able to come home and really feel like they have this like really nurturing or cozy safe place.
Lesley:
And so I want that for my own family. But I'd also love to inspire other people to do the same and to help give them tools. Because my mom is an incredible decorator and you know, my grandparents have always been into design and so I feel like I was really exposed to a lot of that my whole life. But not everybody is. And so I think for a lot of people they think, you know, I just need to go to Ikea and get this showroom or whatever. And there's so many more ways to do things on a budget and also in a way that feels really personal to you. And so I love being like, okay, this is what I love. But like put your own spin on it, you know what I mean?
Monica:
Tell me about sort of that, and I'm totally projecting this of this word is wrong, tell me, but sort of like a teaching heart a little bit, like teaching other people to do what what you love to do, right. Or teaching them, hey, this is a way to kind of make your space feel safe and like a refuge too.
Lesley:
I love that. I think that I'm a natural Cher just by nature. And so I think sometimes people are like, okay, thanks so much for telling me five times, but this restaurant has the best guacamole or whatever. Like it's just, I'm like, I love this. So I feel like it's really sad if you don't experience it.... the same with home design. It's like, okay, well I'm obsessed with this white. I've looked at every single white, it's done. This watches, I've been on Pinterest. Like trust me when I tell you this, white is just the best white. So it's more, it's not like a, I think I'm gonna wake up today and help people. I wouldn't say I've got a little bit of helper in me, but it's more of like, okay, but no, but this is the best and you need it, you know?
Monica:
Yeah. Out of an overflow of your excitement you need to share it.
Lesley:
Yeah. I would say it's more excitement, but less helper. Yeah. If I'm being totally honest.
Monica:
No, I love that. I love that. And the excitement's contagious. Okay, good. Okay, well let's, let's dive into social media, right. You know, I have intentionally, you know, been off Facebook for over 10 years and then, and I've been on Instagram often on for a couple years at a time, but I haven't been on in over two years. So I, I don't understand the world, but as I've gotten back into it, I've seen how much good your, your account being one of the ones I look forward to there. There really is. If you, if you look for it, there's so much good. Um, so tell me about your heart and being sort of, um, a person or a voice of encouragement in that world.
Lesley:
So I think that one of the things that I've really strived to do is to speak into areas that I have struggled in for other people because I think that so oftentimes as, especially with this weird online world, we can feel really like isolated and alone. Especially when I was a young mom, like I was by myself with kids all the time and it was like, you know, I'd go just so desperate for adult interaction and leave feeling worse than I did before. And I was like, Eh, like is this really what I want to have other people experience when I share something? No. So how can I really work to speak life over people in the same season? And now I feel like I'm can breathe a little bit again. And so I'm not so much there. And so I really would love to encourage like young moms specifically, um, because I feel like you can kind of get your feet back under you again when your kids get a little bit older and you have more time for like reading a personal development book.
Lesley:
Self help or whatever you want to call it. Right. But when you're really in the young years, like I did not have the bandwidth to like read something that was going to lift me up, but I did have the bandwidth to scroll. And so I really want to be a voice of positivity and encouragement for anyone that looks at my site or page. But specifically at my heart is really for those young Moms, you know? Cause that was just such a hard time for me. But I think too, we have such an opportunity to like bless other people, which I think is what you're doing with the work that you're sharing and like giving people tools. And so that's really where my heart is. Um, as far as being an encourager online because there's just so many people that, um, I feel like it's just a missed opportunity, you know?
Monica:
Yeah, absolutely. I think that's a great way to put it. That's a missed opportunity. Yeah. And I think that, I think that's part of your accessibility is just that you have that, that warmth and heart for other people. You know? It's that, that, you know,
Lesley:
I really do, you know?
Monica:
Yeah, I hear it. I, you can, you can feel the authenticity in that is that you remember what that's like. And, and I, and I've never thought about social media in that way, especially for young moms, that all you have the bandwidth. And I remember too, all I had the bandwidth was for maybe 20 minutes of a show. I'd fall asleep watching me be right there. You did. Yes. I mean, and that was it. Yeah. You just, you, your, your brain is so fatigued and your body is, yeah. Great. Well, let's talk about how social media can be difficult, right? And can be, comparison is the thief of joy, right? I think we all know this to be true and we all experienced that, right? Um, how do you stay brave when it is difficult? You, what and what, what is, what are some of the ways you do that?
Lesley:
And I think it really is difficult.
Monica:
Yeah, it is difficult. Let's just say, I'll just name that.
Lesley:
So et's just call that out. Um, I think some days I really, I'm strong and awesome at managing my expectations of it all and just really putting it in a box. And I think other days my identity has completely soaked up in it and I feel like trash at the end of the day. And um, it really feels like something that's has too much power in my life. Totally. And so I'm having to constantly like shrink it down to what it is because it can feel really loud. I have to use social media for work and have for so long.
Monica:
It's part of your professional job.
Lesley:
Right. And so I would some days love to throw my phone into that fountain right down there and never do it again. And like, just the fact that you're off for two years, I'm like, oh, what was that like? Because since the smart phone was invented, I've been ever since Instagram, I was one of the first, you know, people sign up for it or whatever, which you probably were too.
Monica:
And so, you know, it's funny to look at the evolution of like the Nashville filter to now.
Lesley:
That was really cool back in the day. So cool. But I just had all these photos printed for my Instagram and I was like, oh my God, you can't even see the picture. Like it's just straight up filter. What even is this? But what I've had to realize for my own self is, so we were really struggling to make ends meet. Uh, when we first got married, like I was saying, and I went back to work full time after my oldest was born and then I went full time. Those were both outside the home. And then when Phoebe was born, I was gonna go home and stay and be at home for the first time. And so I had already had a few jobs online. I became a virtual assistant.
Lesley:
And so I had some work that I was doing online, but I quickly realized like I could scale it and do more and create more. And so I think in order to be brave, your why for why you're doing it has to be real strong. Wow. Has to,
Monica:
that's good. That's real good.
Lesley:
Because if I did not have that, why I would not be able to handle going to this like fancy party with this guy who was like very cool guy in Atlanta who's like, I used to follow you but it was just too much. Oh, any pictures of your kids? No, I was like, Oh hey in front of a bunch of people. Oh. Like things like that knocks the window. Oh. So I wouldn't have been able to survive that because I am so sensitive. Like if I had not had a why to food to put food.
Lesley:
Sam has always worked so hard, but to help put food on the table because I mean that kind of stuff we'll eat for lunch. And so my why was to stay home with my girls. Um, we talked pretty early on like if this doesn't work out, you're going to have to go back to work. Yeah, I'm full time. And so the thought of doing that at the time, which is really not what I wanted. And so I had this like super strong why to do it. And so I've had to have my y evolve because you know, I was able to make that happen. And then it's like, okay, we need a bigger why because this is still hard and this is still scary. And you know, it's, it's hard when you have, you know, your real life friends and then you have your online friends and sometimes your real life friends don't get the online thing.
Lesley:
It's times your online friends, are they really your friends? There's just a lot of like.
Monica:
variables.
Lesley:
and just the emotional drain of that of like, where are my people? You know, because I was online so much, I was like, I don't know, know who my people really are. And I've figured those people out, you know, or it was eight years, but it's, it's just a beast and I think we have to, for me, in order to survive this, I've had to stop making it about me. I think in the beginning it was very much like, look at what I'm doing, you know? Like, hi, I just made a dress for my clients. I'm amazing. I just sewed this dress. Here it is. Yes. And that has had to evolve from like, cause that is where you get like so self conscious and like so like they didn't accept me like nobody liked this photo.
Monica:
They didn't care I made the dress.
Lesley:
They did not care that I made the dress. This is devastating. Who even am I if they don't like my dress? And so I had to really start thinking about like how do I make this more of a conversation and less about me? And I think this is where, you know, we do a lot of mentoring and coaching and um, one of the jobs that I do and I realized from talking to so many women that they are in the headspace of here I am. And not from like an ego perspective, just like, do you see me? Does anyone see me? And that like wrecks me and like breaks my heart because I'm like, you're amazing. You don't need these people to validate you. Like, do you. But then I have to like give myself the same, same pop talk.
Lesley:
But once I started thinking about like, okay, what do the people that are even looking at this like what are their lives like? How can I like have a conversation? How can I make this more about them and less about me? And then it's not so personal. Like if I'm just sharing like cookbooks that I like, I didn't write the cookbooks like yeah. And it's also a conversation of like what cookbooks do you like? And so, and I find that when I enjoy social media is when it's a conversation.
Monica:
Okay. And that makes sense.
Lesley:
because then it's actually serving its purpose. It's supposed to be social media that's, and it's not just here I am. Do you like me? Which I feel like was like a struggle for me for so long.
Monica:
Well and you're not alone. I mean like that's why it's such a topic of conversation because so many people feel like that all the time. It's brutal. But it sounds like this idea of sort of serving people, it is a relief. Yeah. Then you're focused on how can I serve you with this? Not, I'm waiting for you to Hart my identity and to like me really. Right. I know. Yeah.
Lesley:
Yeah. I think, I don't remember where I first heard that concept of serving your audience, but it was something that I absolutely needed to hear. And it totally shifts your perspective. Yeah. Nothing to do with you. Right. And People's response to you has nothing to do with you, which is the hardest thing to learn.
Monica:
It is so hard to learn. Um, because it all, it all is pretty personal. Right. But it's taking that, the externalizing of your worth and taking it back to internalizing it and then having it just with your people too. Yeah. I mean it's, it's a struggle. I, you know, I, I enjoyed my years away, however I, you know, I'm joining the modern world.
Monica:
Yes. Wow. I don't know. But there is, there is, there is so much good and I love your perspective on it.
Lesley:
And I think that things have shifted so much. You see the, you know, body positivity, you know, movement. And I truly like, I'm like, I've never seen so many real looking girls and bathing suits on the internet, like, right. But, and I'm not saying that I necessarily want to do that. Right?
Monica:
Sure, sure. I might not be our calling,
Lesley:
but you know, you look at brands like American Eagle with their Aerie brand, like I think I'm pronouncing that right. They saw what was happening and ran with it and target, you know, they're not retouching their photos anymore. And I feel like, oh, I didn't know that. Amazing. I mean, they're still babes, but you can see a little bit of cellulite. But I feel like there have been so many positive things, like you're saying, that have shifted our culture completely. Yeah. And so as much as you have the negative,
Monica:
And I think, I think it's really brave to be part of the shift, you know, to put yourself in there and say, okay, well I'm going to be, I'm going to try to be part of the shift, you know? Yeah. Okay. Well, let's talk about, um, this idea of, you know, you referenced it a little bit with your why having such a powerful why, but when I think about you, I think, you know, I read your blog like so many years ago, I still only Cook Spaghetti squash the way that you taught on your blog.
Monica:
Yeah. I always make your gluten free pumpkin bread every year cause I can't eat gluten. And it's amazing. So glad.
Monica:
But I think that you were, you know, you were hustling like the hustle now. I was like, well, I've been off social media. Maybe it's been a cool word for a long time, but I just see it everywhere. Everyone's like hustle, you know, just really just this sort of grit and like going for it. And, and that being so much more focused on women and entrepreneurs too. Um, but I feel like you were doing that already, you know? So tell us about sort of that idea of hustle and where do you find that? Where do you dig deep and kind of find that grit? Is it that why? Yeah.
Lesley:
So I really think I'm a natural born hustler.
Monica:
I need a t shirt.
Lesley:
Yes I need a tee shirt. But literally from the time that I was the girls ages, like lemonade stand was my favorite. Like they were game to make money as soon as I can. I think for me it was always a sense of control for me to have money and not in a bad way, but it was like, okay, if I do the lemonade stand then I get to go to blockbuster and rent whatever movie. And so I found out really early on that like money is not the end all be all ever. But it gave me a sense of independence and I've always like craved that. And so I figured if I could do the lemonade stand, I could go get a job. And so as soon as I turned 15 I mean literally as soon as I was like legal working age, I was like, got my first job, cookie company I rock those cookies. You know, I took them, told her to go see it, and she was like this amazing, coolest mom for her job. That's her kid. You make the keys. I mean, I'd come home smelling like those things.
Monica:
They were delicious.
Lesley:
Man. That's good stuff. And so I always really felt a lot of like satisfaction, like I said before, and just like, I love to work. And so I think that online as far as like that goes, at first it was just kind of like, I've always been into technology. Like my sister growing up always wanted cool clothes and I think she's still like that. I always wanted technology, I'm like, how can I figure out how to manipulate this thing and make it do what I want it to do? And so in the beginning it was really just more of like, how does this all work? Like I want to figure this out. This is so cool. Um, and then I'm a total opportunist and so I was like, well, it seems like you could make money with this, so let's just try. Yeah. And I did terribly. I don't think I made money off of my blog for like five or six years. Yeah. And just showed up every day and did it.
Monica:
Okay. So that's the, that's the hustle. You just kept showing up everyday and doing it.
Lesley:
And so I look back and you know, I think we're always trying to, like, I mentor women in business and so we're always trying to like, how do we figure out how to teach this? Like how do we explain grit? Like you're saying? And I'm like, I can only explain it. It's like, it's almost like blind ignorance.
Lesley:
it's like getting knocked down. Yeah. Back up, get back down over and over and over again. And then eventually you see progress in the progress is what keeps people going.
Monica:
Okay. But before the progress comes all the times where you get knocked down and you keep getting back up.
Lesley:
So many tears. Oh yeah, yeah. Like, Oh, oh my God, you know, I only got 10 likes on this photo of something that I spent like three hours on.
Lesley:
It's really cool to look back and see growth, you know, like to look at that Nashville filter and then look at how far, you know, things have come. Um, as far as like even just how well an iPhone can take a photo. But yeah, it's been such a good challenge for me to try to like figure out what works for me and to see, like I said, that progress, you know, to see growth, to go from, you know, having one person that has ever looked at your stuff to other people coming along. You know, that was super exciting for me to feel like, oh there's other girls like me out there.
Monica:
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Well, final question and this question I'm asking everyone is and what is one um, person or event that has helped you become Lesley today? So maybe that, I mean it could be funny, it could be serious and it's usually hard to pick one, so it doesn't have to be one, but what was some something or someone that helped shape you?
Lesley:
So my first reaction to this was middle school.
Monica:
Yeah. I love that.
Lesley:
It gave me grit. Like wow. Talk about at trial by fire, the beginning of middle school was brutal. I went into sixth grade knowing literally one person, with red hair and braces and everything that could be tragic in that time. Yeah.
Monica:
One person in middle, I mean no one, one person only. Yeah, it was, it's a rough world. It was rough.
Lesley:
And so it took me a long time to really find good friends and to figure myself out. But um, I think that truly my mom has constantly put me in situations that made me uncomfortable.
Monica:
That is fascinating and I was really against sort of a lot of the way some parenting is going right now. Tell us more about that.
Lesley:
So she made me go to cotillion, an eighth grade fricking nightmare. Like what is even like holding sweaty hands and like wearing these dresses and like I was not ever in that sort of um, conservative, preppy girl world and I felt like could tell you and it's sort of that, and I was like wearing Nirvana t-shirts and ripped up jeans. And then I had to wear these like lacy dresses and hold hands with boys that I didn't know. So that was terrible. Awful. Yeah. And um, but I'm like, well, I make my girls do that. Maybe, I don't know. Um, but then I, um, you know, she had me do this is all in middle school, so I feel like this is also related and yeah, she had me go to this. Um, I told her I wanted to be a marine biologist. Do you remember when that was? Like every,
Monica:
That's what I wanted to do. I always wear dolphin t-shirts. Yes. Oh, save the turtles. Oh, I was definitely going be a marine biologist, I think we all were.
Lesley:
Right? And so she found a Mo marine biology camp, which was amazing. And the Florida keys. Wow. Two weeks by myself. Seventh grade. Wow. So intense.
Monica:
That's a long time. Far Away
Lesley:
And knew no one. Okay. So it was like this, these constant situations of like, you don't know anyone. You got to figure this out, you're going to have to swim, you know? And so she also had me go to France when I was 16 a St Shane student for like a month. And so no one spoke English to me the entire time like and.
Monica:
Did you speak French?
Lesley:
No, because why would I speak french?
Monica:
I didn't know. I mean, I don't know. But that would have been helpful. How? Yes, that would have been one thing to pack in your bag. The language.
Lesley:
That would've been super helpful. Yeah. It's so she was constantly putting me in these situations that forced me to be brave and so I think that that was really foundational for me. Absolutely. She'd be able to get to a point where I could come here and talk to you, with a microphone, which is intimidating or sure, you know, speak in front of groups of people or do Facebook live videos, which is how I do most of my communicating these days, which is the first time I did, I was literally like, my whole hand was shaking.
Monica:
Yeah. That feeling.
Lesley:
And so you just, you're scared out of your mind.
Monica:
Yes. But you do it anyway.
Lesley:
Do it anyway. Over and over and over again. Yeah. And I don't think it ever gets easier. I don't think so either.
Monica:
I think you build muscle memory though. Muscle memory. I think that you've built, that sounds like since middle school with your mom putting you in those situations that you know, you made it through. I survived, so you will survive again.
Lesley:
Totally. Yeah. I love that. And now like can I go to France for a month? Yeah. Can you send me now? Huh? Now I know, but at the time. Oh, yeah total nightmare. Yeah.
Monica:
I would been a mess. I would have been, you know that that was the days when you had to have those calling cards. You know, I would've been blowing one of those up.
Lesley:
No Internet. No. Right. No SMS. What do you call it there? The IMSA. Yeah, that's about I messaged. Yeah, I think. Yeah. Wow. Well thank you so much, rich. Thank you for having me. So fun.
Monica:
It's so fun to talk to you.
Lesley:
Oh, same. And I can't wait to see what you're going to do with all of this.
Monica:
Awesome. Thank you so much.
Monica:
In her fun and accessible way. Leslie lets us in on her why we talk about her, why a lot in regards to social media, but really knowing your why is such an important aspect to putting yourself out there in any arena, any time we're putting ourselves out into the world, we require courage and an important part of that courage is knowing your why for doing it. We also talked about serving people and when you're using your work or your gifts or your talents to serve people, it takes the focus off your own identity and you worry a lot less about what people think about you. Finally, my favorite part is when we discussed that before progress comes the grit. Before we see any success, there was the choice to get up over and over and over again. If you want to find out more about Leslie in all the work that she's doing and all the beautiful things she's putting out into the world, go to the show notes for this episode.
Monica:
For more information on this interview, including a transcript. Please go to still becoming.net. Please subscribe to and review, still becoming wherever you listen to podcasts, if you like what you heard here today. Thank you for listening.