Judgments are Taught, so Let’s Learn to Question Them

Kids are not born judging things. They’re taught. They’re taught judgment of others, both implicitly and explicitly, and they’re taught judgment of themselves. And they’re taught that these subjective judgements are in fact objective views of reality.

If judgments are indeed taught, we would do well to wonder how many things we were explicitly and implicitly taught to judge about others, or about ourselves, by our upbringing and by our own family cultures?

Our views of ourselves and of others are layered like transparencies of judgment. Do you remember transparency machines from school? The teacher would turn off the lights, then switch on the transparency machine with its warm low buzzing sound and soft light. Then out would come these clear thin sheets, and the teacher would lay one down, maybe smoothing it out before writing on it, or layering on another. When layered, the projected image on the screen in the front of the classroom would change and become more complex.  

If we were to stand in front of an old projector, the image it would project onto the wall would also project onto us. That’s all judgments are—someone else’s beliefs projected onto us. It may change our appearance, but it doesn’t change us. It’s just a projected image of what someone else believes or taught us to see.

We all project judgments onto ourselves and others regularly. And yet, we underestimate how much we were taught those judgements, and how much choice we have.

If these judgments are taught—if they are projected onto us—then can’t they be un-taught? What must we un-learn or un-hear in order to see and embrace who we and others actually are? 

One of my favorite parts of my job as a therapist is introducing people to internal freedom. If your family, your classmates, the larger community, projected onto you a rejection of parts of who you were created to be, you may still carry those into adulthood.  

We judge as wrong, failing, or not enough, what we are taught to. And sometimes, those judgments can be wildly subjective.  And sometimes, that wild subjectivity causes real oppression and suffering. 

We must be mindful of the subjective judgments we have internalized and accepted as true.

We must also protect ourselves from whose judgments we allow in. We follow a simple rule in our house: Unless they know you well, love you, or want the best for you, their vote does not count. It’s subjective anyway.